Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
