She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
