yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
