Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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