Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
