this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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