you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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