there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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