You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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