I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
