Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
