You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
