I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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