So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
