And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
