My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
