My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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