I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
