very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
