smell my finger.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
