I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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