I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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