I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
