so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
