Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Your penis caused this!
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