I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
