Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
