I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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