rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
