I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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