he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
