I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
