he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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