I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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