they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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