I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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