From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
