Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Screwed.edu
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
