At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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