Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
