Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
