Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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