Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
