I love black thongs
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
