If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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