I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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