my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My butt remains clenched, sir.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
