Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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