there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
