I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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