I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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