You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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